cash•ti•vated

So, I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot ladies.  What are we doing? Do I mean literally this second, well kinda, but more figuratively.  See I’m a 42-year-old, videographer, turned Realtor. I’ve started again, and it’s scary. Not terrifying, but scary.  

I’m poor. I’m like really poor. I’m working non-stop trying to get my Real estate career off the ground.  But I’m poor. Sure I do some video work here and there, to stay afloat, but times are tight. I keep in mind the bigger picture though.  Where I’m trying to get to and how I’m gonna do it.

My question to most women is, what are we doing to better our lives?  See, there’s this little unspoken thing that happens to lots and lots of women that nobody seems to want to talk about.

We give up our power.  Now I’m not trying to get totally feminist and over the top, like, “screw men, we don’t need ‘em”  I don’t mean that at all.

But what I do notice, is there’s plenty of women that accept a secondary role in their family.  They’re cared for, they’re taken care of. It’s not that these women who choose to stay home and raise kids are less, they’re working their butts off.  But many have inequality in their relationship when it comes to finances. Maybe they don’t handle the money? Maybe they don’t want to? But why?

My question to you is, where do you want for your life?  Because you’re responsible to get yourself there ultimately.

Now I know there’s plenty of people reading this, who say,  “whoa, whoa, whoa, are you saying that stay at home mom’s don’t have value, that we’re not equal?”  Rest assured, that’s not what I’m saying at all.

What I do want most women to think about is, when we take a back seat to our financial lives, and let our husbands or spouses just take care of it, we lose power.  When we’re un or undereducated about our own finances, we’re vulnerable. Very vulnerable.

Hear me out.  You can have the greatest marriage and spouse around, but have you ever thought about what would happen if he/she wasn’t there?  If he god forbid passed away from illness, or something even like he cheated and you got divorced? We often don’t want to think about these horrible instances but trust me, we aren’t doing ourselves any favors by sticking our heads in the sand.

I know great couples where the wife is a stay-at-home mom, and she has zero clue about their finances.  She doesn’t know what they own, how much the electric bill is, how much money is in the bank. In my very humble opinion, that’s just financial suicide.  You have to be involved. You have to work together, you have to be part of your financial life. It’s imperative and critical.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

I know a very well educated woman, nurse, that married a doctor.  They don’t have children. She slowly started getting more stressed and depressed with work. Her husband, a seemingly decent guy, encouraged her to slow down and even stop working.  He made enough to support them both. She slowly declined into a gripping depression and even a substance abuse situation. She was literally dying and didn’t seem to have any confidence in her role in the world.  Time passes and it’s revealed that her husband is a serial cheater, along with some much worse character traits. She gets into rehab and proceeds with a divorce. Now she’s left starting over. Trying to get back into a workforce she hasn’t partaken in for the last 4 years.  Honestly, it’s the best situation that could have happened to her, her situation was toxic. But she is starting over. Luckily she’s got a great family and is educated, but it’s still starting over. Had she kept her job in the first place, chances are she’d be starting off much stronger on her new journey and probably would have had the guts to leave much quicker.  But she lost her power along the way.

Here’s another.  Picture this. A mid 50’s women.  No college education, never has worked.  Married to a very wealthy, and wonderful man for years that took care of her.  He paid the bills, he handled all finances. As the years go by, they’ve drifted apart.  They divorce amicably after over 30 years together. He’s very generous in his settlement and they go the separate ways.  Here she is at 53 years old, and she has no idea how to care for herself. No idea how to balance her checkbook, or even pay the bills.  She’s lost.

Now I know these are some unfortunate situations and many feel that they could never be in that spot.  But trust me it could happen to anyone.

A few years ago, I found myself in this spot.  I was working part-time in my own video business, traveling for work.  I was also spending half my time running my boyfriends business. His business made much more money and we were a great team.  Then we ran into significant problems. His long-standing sobriety left and he struggled with his demons. After being sober for years, he suffered some debilitating family losses and fell off the wagon.  Over a period of 2.5 years, he virtually destroyed his business. Lost his best customer and we almost separated.

All of a sudden, it occurred to me that we were stuck.  We weren’t making enough money and my part-time salary wasn’t going to cut.  Now I’ve always been a hard worker, but this was a stark realization. I was reliant on a partner for my well being, and if we split, I wasn’t making enough to support myself.  It was terrifying. And a wake-up call.

We as women need to be self-reliant.  Actually, everyone should be self-reliant.  I know that it’s increasingly difficult to make a living if you’re at home taking care of kids, but it’s important to bring in and have skills to bring in as much money as possible.

What’s that saying, “hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.”

There are plenty of work at home jobs, part-time work, online work, blogging, becoming a VA for most women to bring in some extra cash.  We need to become self-reliant because life you can throw many curve balls at us, whether we’re ready or not.

So I urge you, tonight sit down with your spouse or loved one, and have an honest talk about your finances.  Even if you’re scared or just wanna stick your head in the sand, you need to know every part of them. Go over your investments, debt, and even a budget.  Become an advocate for your family and their financial health, you never know when you’re going to need it.